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Relationship comes in different forms. When one hears about toxic relationship the first thing that comes to mind is What is a toxic relationship?

A toxic relationship contaminates your self-esteem, your happiness and the way you see yourself and the world. A toxic person will float through life with a trail of broken hearts, broken relationships and broken people behind them, but toxic relationships don’t necessarily end up that way because the person you fell for turned out to be a toxic one.Relationships can start healthy, but bad feelings, bad history, or long-term unmet needs can fester, polluting the relationship and changing the people in it. It can happen easily and quickly, and it can happen to the strongest people.

So what are the signs that I’m in a toxic relationship?

Well, it is normal for relationships to be challenging. But when they exceed a certain level of stress, they negatively impact every aspect of your life: your business, your friendships, your health, even your mental stability.

One study shows that staying in a bad marriage can raise your stress level to the point where you’re more likely to get heart disease (the number one killer of both men and women in the U.S.). Marriage and family therapist Sharon Rivkin says, “If you’re in a bad marriage, don’t underestimate the stress that you are carrying around.”

If you’re seeing the following signs of a toxic relationship, it may be time to seek help:

1. Passive aggressive behavior

If you can feel something is wrong but when you ask, “What’s going on?” the other person says, “Nothing,” but then punishes you by giving you the silent treatment … that’s passive aggression. One problem with it is that it doesn’t leave much room for resolution of the conflict. If you don’t know what’s wrong, you can’t fix it.

Passive aggressive behavior is often accompanied by gaslighting, or making the other person think they’re crazy for even bringing it up. If you constantly feel like there’s something off but when you try to talk to your partner about it you get shut down, you may be in a toxic relationship.

2. Volatility

A relationship with extremely high highs and extremely low lows that tend to repeat has a high likelihood of being toxic. This is especially true if you find it hard to predict when your partner will be upset.

Uncertainty has been demonstrated, over and over, to be very hard on not just human beings, but all animals. Study after study shows that not knowing what’s going to happen, or how to avoid pain, spikes your levels of glucocorticoids (stress hormones).

A healthy relationship includes conflict, of course, but not all the time–and not to an acute degree.

3. “Jokes” that aren’t really jokes

If your partner makes belittling comments about you but then claim they were “just joking,” there’s a problem. Emotional bullies not only drop subtle insults, but they often then try to make their victims look stupid or like they’re overreacting.

The way you can tell: a good joke will make you feel included; a toxic joke will make you feel small, angry, and powerless.

4. Walking on eggshells

Ever hide your phone because you’re afraid of what your significant other is going to say about a text from someone else? Are you afraid of going out with people after work because s/he might get jealous?

Healthy relationships are built on trust and open communication. If you often find yourself trying to predict what will make your partner angry and avoiding that (even if it doesn’t always work), it could be a toxic situation. You don’t do that kind of thing with your friends; why is OK with your significant other?

5. You feel like you have to ask permission

A mature adult relationship is comprised of two adults, and adults do not have to ask one another for permission. Yes, relationships require compromise and you should consider your partner when making big life decisions like whether to move across the country or switch jobs. But if you feel like you need permission to make plans with friends, or find yourself feeling uncomfortable about making simple choices without “seeing if it’s OK” with your significant other, there’s something wrong.

6. Constant exhaustion

Trying to predict someone else’s behavior (or mood changes) is tiring. Do it over and over for months or years, and you will become exhausted.

In healthy relationships, both partners feel normal and relaxed most of the time. In toxic ones, the “good periods” that were so common at the beginning start to be fewer and further between, and rarely last long. If you constantly feel drained and exhausted in your relationship, it’s time to think about exiting.

7. Becoming isolated

Part of the problem with the exhaustion is your motivation level for seeing anyone else, including friends and family. If your partner discourages you from seeing those close to you, that’s a major red flag. But the more insidious issue is when you yourself stop making an effort to see the people you love out of sheer exhaustion.

The first step when it comes to getting out of a toxic relationship is admitting there’s a problem. Be careful, take care of yourself, and get help if you need it.

With that said, there are few other things you needs to know about toxic relationships.

Toxic relationships will cause monumental breakage to people, families and workplaces, but they aren’t necessarily the territory of the weak, downtrodden or insecure. Strong, healthy, independent people can find themselves in the white-knuckled grip of a toxic relationship. Similarly, relationships that seem to begin strong because ‘omg we’re soooo in love you guys,’ can dissolve into nothing but ash and legal fees that could have bought a castle on the river Seine, if they weren’t being used to divide half your assets more ‘half-ly’.

Relationships evolve. They change and they grow. Sometimes they crash and they burn. We never know how things will look when each other’s less adorable, kind of awful habits start to show themselves publicly, or under the influence of alcohol or in-laws.

Some relationships are all shades of wrong from the outset (‘Darlin’ you’re so pretty. You’re the image of my ex. See? Here’s her photo. You can keep that one. I have plenty – in my wallet, as my screen saver, on my bedside table, at my mum’s house, on my desk, on my fridge and yeah, all over the place. Sometimes I just, like, hold it in front of me and run backwards and pretend like she’s chasing me. Wanna get some tequila baby?’) Some start off with promise and with all the right ingredients, but somewhere along the way, the right ingredients get replaced with resentment, jealousy, history and hurt.

We love love. Of course we do. Love sends us to joyous, lofty heights that we never want to come down from, but the same heart that can send us into a loved-up euphoria can trip us up and have us falling into something more toxic. The hot pursuit of love can be blinding. Even worse, sometimes it’s not until you’re two kids and a mortgage into the relationship, that you realize something has been missing for a while, and that something is you.

Can I fix it?

All relationships are worth the fight, until they’re not. In a toxic relationship there will always be fallout:
moodiness, anger, unhappiness become the norm;
you avoid each other more and more;
work and relationships outside the toxic relationship start to suffer.
If the relationship is toxic, it is highly likely that all the fight in the world won’t change anything because one or both people have emotionally moved on. Perhaps they were never really there in the first place, or not in the way you needed them to be anyway.

Even worse, if your relationship is toxic, you will be more and more damaged by staying in it.
Fighting to hold on to something that is not fighting to hold on to you will ruin you. Sometimes the only thing left to do is to let go with grace and love and move on.

Being aware that the relationship is toxic is vital in protecting yourself from breakage. To stay in a toxic relationship is to keep your hand hovering over the self-destruct button. Not all toxic relationships are easy to leave, but being aware of the signs will make it easier to claim back your power and draw a bold heavy line around what’s allowed into your life and what gets closed out.
Toxic behaviour exists on a spectrum. All people and all relationships do some of these things some of the time – but that doesn’t make them toxic. A toxic relationship is defined by the consistency, the intensity and the damage.

Here are other signs why a Toxic Relationship has become Toxic

8. It feels bad. All the time.

You fall asleep hollow and you wake up just as bad. You look at other couples doing their happy couple thing and you feel the sting. Why couldn’t that sort of love happen for you? It can, but first you have to clear the path for it to find you. Leaving a relationship is never easy, but staying for too long in a toxic relationship will make sure any strength, courage and confidence in you is eroded down to nothing. Once that happens, you’re stuck.

9. You’re constantly braced for the ‘gotcha’.

Sometimes you can see it coming. Sometimes you wouldn’t see it if it was lit with stadium floodlights. Questions becomes traps. (‘Well would you rather go out with your friends or stay home with me?’) Statements becomes traps. (‘You seemed to enjoy talking to your boss tonight.’) The relationship is a jungle and somewhere along the way you’ve turned into a hunted thing in a skin suit. When the ‘gotcha’ comes, there’s no forgiveness, just the glory of catching you out. It’s impossible to move forward from this. Everyone makes mistakes, but yours are used as proof that you’re too uninvested, too wrong, too stupid, too something. The only thing you really are is too good to be treated like this.

10. You avoid saying what you need because there’s just no point.

We all have important needs in relationships. Some of the big ones are connection, validation, appreciation, love, sex, affection. When those needs are mocked or ignored, the emptiness of that unmet need will clamour like an old church bell. If your attempts to talk about what you need end in a fight, a(nother) empty promise, accusations of neediness, insecurity, jealousy or madness you’ll either bury the need or resent that it keeps being overlooked. Either way, it’s toxic.

11. There’s no effort.

Standing on a dance floor doesn’t make you a dancer, and being physically present in a relationship doesn’t mean there is an investment being made in that relationship.

Doing things separately sometimes is healthy, but as with all healthy things, too much is too much. When there is no effort to love you, spend time with you, share the things that are important to you, the relationship stops giving and starts taking too much. There comes a point that the only way to respond to ‘Well I’m here, aren’t I?’ is, ‘Yeah. But maybe better if you weren’t.’

12. All the work, love, compromise comes from you.

Nobody can hold a relationship together when they are the only one doing the work. It’s lonely and it’s exhausting. If you’re not able to leave the relationship, give what you need to give but don’t give any more than that. Let go of the fantasy that you can make things better if you try hard enough, work hard enough, say enough, do enough. Stop. Just stop. You’re enough. You always have been.

13. When ‘no’ is a dirty word.

‘No’ is an important word in any relationship. Don’t strike it from your vocabulary, even in the name of love – especially not in the name of love. Healthy relationships need compromise but they also respect the needs and wants of both people. Communicating what you want is as important for you and the relationship as communicating what you don’t want. Find your ‘no’, give it a polish, and know where the release button is. A loving partner will respect that you’re not going to agree with everything they say or do. If you’re only accepted when you’re saying ‘yes’, it’s probably time to say ‘no’ to the relationship. And if you’re worried about the gap you’re leaving, buy your soon-to-be ex some putty. Problem solved.

14. The score card. Let me show you how wrong you are.

One of the glorious things about being human is that making mistakes is all part of what we do. It’s how we learn, how we grow, and how we find out the people who don’t deserve us. Even the most loving, committed partners will do hurtful, stupid things sometimes. When those things are brought up over and over, it will slowly kill even the healthiest relationship and keep the ‘guilty’ person small. At some point, there has to be a decision to move on or move out. Having shots continually fired at you based on history is a way to control, shame and manipulate. Healthy relationships nurture your strengths. Toxic ones focus on your weaknesses.

15. There’s a battle – and you’re on your own. Again.

You and your partner are a team. You need to know that whatever happens, you have each other’s backs, at least publicly. In healthy relationships, when the world starts throwing stones, the couple comes together and fortifies the wall around each other. Toxic relationships often see one person going it alone when it comes to public put-downs. Similarly, when attempts are made from outside the relationship to divide and conquer, the couple is divided and conquered as easily as if they were never together in the first place.

16. Physical or verbal abuse.

Or both.

These are deal-breakers. You know they are.

17. Too much passive-aggressive.

Passive-aggressive behaviour is an indirect attack and a cowardly move for control. The toxicity lies in stealing your capacity to respond and for issues to be dealt with directly. The attack is subtle and often disguised as something else, such as anger disguised as indifference ‘whatever’ or ‘I’m fine’; manipulation disguised as permission ‘I’ll just stay at home by myself while you go out and have fun,’ and the worst – a villain disguised as a hero, ‘You seem really tired baby. We don’t have to go out tonight. You just stay in and cook yourself some dinner and I’ll have a few drinks with Svetlana by myself hey? She’s been a mess since the cruise was postponed.’ You know the action or the behaviour was designed to manipulate you or hurt you, because you can feel the scrape, but it’s not obvious enough to respond to the real issue. If it’s worth getting upset about, it’s worth talking about, but passive-aggressive behaviour shuts down any possibility of this.

18. Nothing gets resolved.

Every relationship will have its issues. In a toxic relationship, nothing gets worked through because any conflict ends in an argument. There is no trust that the other person will have the capacity to deal with the issue in a way that is safe and preserves the connection. When this happens, needs get buried, and in a relationship, unmet needs will always feed resentment.

19. Whatever you’re going through, I’m going through worse.

In a healthy relationship, both people need their turn at being the supported and the supporter. In a toxic relationship, even if you’re the one in need of support, the focus will always be on the other person. ‘Babe like I know you’re really sick and can’t get out of bed but it’s soooo stressful for me because now I have to go to the party by myself. Next Saturday I get to choose what we do. K? [sad emoji, balloon emoji, heart emoji, another heart emoji, lips emoji].’

20. Privacy? What privacy?

Unless you’ve done something to your partner that you shouldn’t have, like, you know, forgot you had one on ‘Singles Saturday’, then you deserve to be trusted. Everybody deserves some level of privacy and healthy relationships can trust that this won’t be misused. If your partner constantly goes through your receipts, phone bills, text messages this shows a toxic level of control. It’s demeaning. You’re an adult and don’t need constantly supervision.

21. The lies. Oh the lies!

Lying and cheating will dissolve trust as if it was never there to begin with. Once trust is so far gone, it’s hard to get it back. It might come back in moments or days, but it’s likely that it will always feel fragile – just waiting for the wrong move. A relationship without trust can turn strong, healthy people into something they aren’t naturally – insecure, jealous and suspicious. The toxicity of this lies in the slow erosion of confidence. Sometimes all the fight in the world can’t repair trust when it’s badly broken.

Know when enough is enough. It’s not your fault that the trust was broken, but it’s up to you to make sure that you’re not broken next.

Big decisions are for important people. And clearly you’re not one of them.
If you’re sharing your life with someone, it’s critical that you have a say in the decisions that will affect you. Your partner’s opinions and feelings will always be important, and so are yours. Your voice is an important one. A loving partner in the context of a healthy relationship will value your thoughts and opinions, not pretend that they don’t exist or assume theirs are more important.

Well, I think I might be in a toxic relationship. What now?

If it’s toxic, it’s changing you and it’s time to leave or put up a very big wall. (See here for how.) Be clear about where the relationship starts and where you begin. Keep your distance emotionally and think of it as something to be managed, rather than something to be beaten or understood. Look for the patterns and look for the triggers. Then, be mindful about what is okay and what isn’t. Above all else, know that you are strong, complete and vital. Don’t buy into any tiny-hearted, close-minded push that would have you believe otherwise. You’re amazing.
And finally …

There are plenty of reasons you might end up in a toxic relationship, none of which have nothing to do with strength of character or courage.

Sometimes the toxicity grows and blindsides you and by the time you realise, it’s too late – the cost of leaving might feel too high or there may be limited options.

Toxicity in any relationship doesn’t make sense. In an attempt to make it make sense, you might blame history, circumstance or your own behaviour. The truth is that none of this matters. It doesn’t matter where the toxicity comes from or the reason for it being there.

Love and happiness don’t always go together. The world would run so much smoother if they did, but it just doesn’t happen like that. Love can be a dirty little liar sometimes. So can commitment. Staying in a relationship should never have losing yourself as one of the conditions. You’re far too important for that.

It’s important to make sacrifices in relationships but your happiness, self-esteem and self-respect should always be on the list – always. If a relationship is built on love, it nurtures, restores, replenishes and revives. It doesn’t diminish. It isn’t cruel and it doesn’t ever violate a warm, open heart. Everything you need to be happy is in you. When you are with someone who suffocates those precious parts of you, be alive to the damage they are doing. You owe them nothing, you owe yourself everything. You deserve to thrive and to feel safe, and you deserve to be happy.

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Want to be desirable, irresistible, and oh-so-awesome in the eyes of any guy you date? Follow these 16 tips on the dating girl code to do just that.

Every guy wants to date a nice girl.

And yet, most guys walk all over a nice girl when they fall in love with one.

As a guy, I’ve had my share of lovers.

Some girls I’ve pursued harder and some girls I’ve never given a damn about even though they were absolute stunners!

If what most people say were to be true, that guys fall for only a girl’s appearance all the time, then every single good looking girl in the world must be experiencing the best relationship in the world, wouldn’t you say?

But that’s just not true, is it?

There are so many great looking girls who are bitter in love and are walked over by guys all the time.

So what then, do guys want?

The dating code for girls

To have the best relationships of your life, you need to understand these dating girl codes. It’ll help you understand a guy’s mind better, and make him fall harder for you.

But before going any further into these dating codes for girls, let’s spend a few lines on what attracts guys to a girl and make her desirable.

Let me get this out first. A guy definitely does fall for a girl’s appearance. But it’s not as simple as it sounds. A guy won’t fall just for her appearance. He’ll fall for a girl’s perceived appearance.

If all other guys think a girl is attractive, he’ll think she’s attractive too.

But then again, a girl’s appearances may give her a second glance, and her attractiveness may draw a guy to her for a date or two. But beyond that, there’s something a lot more crucial that you need to know to keep a guy interested in you.

And that’s the real secret code behind the game of romance and making a guy fall hard for you.

The two phases of romance

To experience a happy relationship with a guy, you need to understand the two phases in romance.

The dating phase. And the relationship phase.

If you’ve been seeing a guy for less than a couple of months and haven’t given the relationship a real name, you’re in the dating phase.

And anything romantic beyond those first couple of months, you’re in the relationship phase.

If you want to experience a perfect relationship with a guy, it’s very important that you play your part well in both these phases.

In the dating phase, you need to make the guy fall for you, and you need to make him fall hard. And the girl code mentioned here will help you do just that.

The dating girl code to be a desirable girl

If you want to attract a guy you’re dating, it’s very important that you understand these girl codes on dating. If you can make a guy realize just how awesome you are right at the beginning of the dating phase, he’ll fall harder for you, be more loyal to you, and will respect you a lot because he’ll truly understand your worth.

Remember, this is the girl code on dating that’s meant to be used for the first few months of the relationship. This is not the girl code for the relationship phase.

Use this code in a new relationship when you’re still testing the water, so you can let the guy know your importance.

Just like guys have the code of chivalry to impress women, girls too need to understand this dating code to impress a guy and experience better relationships.

The 16 dating girl codes all girls need to know

During the first few months when you’re dating a guy you like, keep these 16 codes in mind and follow them. By sticking to this code, you’ll let him see for himself that you’re a catch not worth leaving.

And the best part, understanding these 16 girl codes is the difference between the girls who are desired and the girls who are always walked over!

1. Don’t misunderstand the art of playing hard to get.

Guys may claim they hate girls who can’t commit within the first three dates. But the only girls guys actually desire and fall for madly are the ones who leave men hanging without any reassurances.
Test it yourself. If a nice guy has a huge crush on you and follows you like a lapdog everywhere you go, wouldn’t you treat him carelessly compared to another guy who flirts with you, but doesn’t try hard to please you? That’s called human nature. We always chase what we’re afraid we can’t have.

2. Don’t fall for the test.

At the beginning of a relationship, the guy you date will test the waters. He may avoid calling you for a couple of days or he may ask for favors sometimes sexual just to see how compromising and accommodating you are. Don’t fall for it. If you don’t like doing something or don’t want to do something, stand your ground. He’ll respect you more.

3. You’re not in love.

When you start dating a guy, even though you feel like you’ve fallen madly in love with him, don’t say it out just yet. Pretend like you’re old fashioned and wait for him to say that he loves you first. If a guy knows you’re madly in love with him even before he’s fallen for you, he’ll always take you for granted, even if he doesn’t realize it himself!

4. Don’t change your life.

Remember, this new guy you’re dating is only a part of your life. He’s not your whole life. If you place him on a pedestal and devote all your time to him, he’ll treat you just the way you’re behaving, like a slave. Don’t change your life overnight just because you’re dating a guy. Changing all your plans just to accommodate him will only show him how crazy you are about him.

5. Don’t whine. Don’t beg.

The more you whine, the easier you are to read. If he doesn’t call you for a couple of days or if he cancels on a date in the last minute, don’t sulk or let him know you’re upset. Instead, just ignore him for a few days. If he really is trying to impress you and not just sleep with you, the fact that you seem so unbothered will threaten him and even scare him.

6. The controlling boyfriend.

A controlling boyfriend isn’t born that way. He’s created that way by you and the way you behave around him. Put your foot down and do what you want. Don’t stop talking to a guy who’s flirting with you, or don’t stop talking to an ex just because the guy you’re dating says so. By doing that, you’re only letting the guy you’re dating know that he can manipulate you and control you. You’re only dating him, he doesn’t have a say about the way you lead your life, at least not yet.

7. Don’t bend over backwards.

If you want to make a guy like you, don’t go all out and try to please him. Most nice girls try really hard to please a guy, and go all the way from calling him over and cooking him a four course meal to spending all weekend shopping for his clothes.

Don’t bend over backwards and try to please him within the first few dates. When you’re so easy to get and so eager to please, the guy you like start to take you for granted even before both of you are in a relationship.

8. Don’t be predictable.

Don’t let him read you like a book. Block yourself emotionally to him so you seem harder to read, which makes you harder to impress, which then makes you a lot more desirable and attractive.

9. Don’t miss him.

Don’t let him know you miss him. By letting a guy you’ve been dating for a month know that you miss him or need him in your life, you’re letting him see that his hook’s caught deep in your heart. That’s his cue to sit back and take it easy, so he can watch you do all the hard work now. He’ll assume he’s done his part in wooing you, and now it’s your turn to please him and keep him happy.

10. Don’t talk about the future together.

Unless you’re in a serious relationship where there’s a lot of mutual love and trust, avoid talking about the future together with the guy you’re dating. When you’re in a new relationship, always leave the man guessing about where the relationship is heading. Likewise, avoid talking about your past and your exes too.

11. Don’t change your status.

Don’t give your relationship a name just yet. There are a few girls who want the guy to name the relationship within a few weeks of dating. They can’t wait to change their facebook relationship status to share the news with the world. Don’t be that girl.

12. Don’t share your life all at once.

Communication and understanding each other completely is very important for a successful relationship. But it’s irrelevant when you’re still dating and evaluating each other as dating potentials. If you reveal everything about yourself at once, you’ll start to get boring and predictable within the next few dates.

13. Don’t have sex.

This may sound traditional, but you don’t really need to follow the three date rule before having sex with the guy you’re dating. The longer you wait, the more you’ll build the sexual tension and the attraction. Don’t give in easily, and make the guy work harder. It’ll make him realize you’re not an easy catch, and that would make him take you more seriously.

14. Self respect.

In your pursuit to impress the guy you’re dating, don’t shove your self respect under the mat. Respect yourself and don’t let him take you for granted, either by making you wait for an hour during a date, or when he cancels a date to be with his friends in the last minute.

Ignore his calls for a day or two if you must. When he does come by to your place with a bunch of flowers to apologize to you, pretend like his behavior didn’t bother you at all, and you’ve been so busy you haven’t had time to think about him. Even if he knows you’re lying, your behavior will make him feel insecure and work harder to make it up to you.

15. Keep yourself busy.

Keep him guessing. Don’t be the girl who says “I’m so bored at home and am doing absolutely nothing at all.” Be the girl who’s always doing something. Don’t be easily available to him even if you’re idle. Have a life and keep yourself occupied all the time. The more you have fun in your own life, the more desirable you’ll be and the easier it’ll be for you to treat this guy as a part of your life and not your whole life.

16. Be a challenge.

Men love challenges. Don’t be easy to please and don’t be easy to win over. It’s alright to behave like a high maintenance woman or a brat who throws a hissy fit now and then. By doing that, you’re shaking his confidence up. If he truly likes you and is interested in dating you, he’ll try harder to please you.

And when you do get into a relationship with him after a few months, he’ll love you more and respect you more because he had to work so hard to win you over in the first place.

These dating girl codes may seem harsh, but you need to remember this. Guys value something only when they have to work hard to achieve it. Be nice to him, but don’t bend over backwards to please him, at least not for the first few months.

So are you looking for love? or do you want to improve your relationship? Look no further. Join our Facebook group at http://www.facebook.com/groups/romantic.relationship Please Don’t Forget to Subscribe to our Youtube Channel for more of Our Videos, and Like us on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram. Also visit our other website at www.Romantic-Relationship.com and Buy CELEB NUDE Photos & Canvas from The World’s Largest CELEBRITY NUDES! www.photooh.com

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Every now and then, human beings make errors of judgment and bad decisions which leads us to a place we don’t want to find ourselves.

IF YOU ARE trying to dig yourself out of the enormity of an affair, and now you desire to fight for your marriage, this might just be for you.

But first things first. Can your marriage be saved? The answer is yes!

It is very possible to rebuild your marriage if you are willing to do the work. Experts in relationship breakdown indicate that your ability to save your marriage has less to do with the circumstances of the affair but the responses of both you and your husband towards the affair.

Marriages do not end because of the infidelity; they end because of how infidelity is dealt with. Psychology Today.

Caroline Madden, a marriage therapist, indicates that couples divorce after affairs because the betrayed spouse simply gives up trying when the cheating spouse continues to be shady, selfish and untrustworthy.

In a study, the highest divorce rate was among couples who had secret infidelity at 80%. In contrast in marriages where the affair did come to light, the divorce rate was 43%.

The study had further good news for couples who stayed together after an affair. Both infidelity and non-infidelity couples had similar levels of marital stability, and they were indistinguishable in their relationship satisfaction at the five-year mark.

So, you see, your affair is devastating but it is not necessarily disastrous for the long haul. Your marriage can rise from these ashes and thrive once again.

Take full responsibility for the affair

This seems obvious, but it is not. Many times, wives justify their affair by blaming their husband. ‘He was not meeting all my needs, so I turned to another man’. Here’s the truth; no matter what state your marriage was in when you cheated, you made the decision to be unfaithful.

You had other choices. There were certainly contributing factors in your decision to break your marriage vows. However, you must take full responsibility for your decision.

Do not justify your infidelity! Do not give excuses and flimsy reasons. Do not blame your husband for your actions!

Look your husband in the eye and sincerely apologize; without any Buts! Tell your husband that you will do whatever it takes to fix the situation and help him heal from the pain that you have caused him.

Server your relationship with the other man

The priority right now is to help your husband to recover, which may involve significant life changes. An affair with someone in your social groups means that you may have to change your friends; an affair at work may mean that you find another job.

The bottom line is, do whatever it takes to server all contacts with the third party.

Rebuild your husband’s trust

You must commit to live a transparent life in order to win your husband’s trust.

Prepare to be more open and honest than you have ever been. Your husband will want to know where you are and what you are doing, and obviously with who.

And you’re going to have to deal with this until he trusts you again. You did major damage to the trust in your marriage and be willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild that trust:

Be consistent
Always be on time
Do what you say will do
Answer all your husband’s questions
Your husband will want a lot of information: who, what, when, where, why, including the gory details. Your natural inclination will be to lessen the blow by withholding information. Unfortunately, the truth always comes out in time. Withholding information will destroy any hope of rebuilding trust.

According to Caroline Madden, a marriage therapist, earning back your husband’s trust calls for you to be upfront with him about the extent of the affair. Caroline indicates many spouses who have been cheated on leave the marriage not because of the affair, but because of the drip, drip, drip, of the truth.

Just when the spouse is getting used to the facts that have been revealed and is starting to adjust and trust again, more information surfaces. Be completely honest at the very beginning so that your husband can decide if he can forgive you with his eyes wide open.

Bear in mind that your husband’s life has been turned upside down and he needs all the information in order to make sense of it. It is not up to you but up to your husband to determine what he needs to know.

Why talking about it is important

Equally important in answering your husband’s questions is that you should be willing to keep answering them for as long as they need to ask. It is this willingness that demonstrates your commitment to the marriage.
Research by Dr. Peggy Vaughn revealed that couples are likely to save their marriage after infidelity when they thoroughly discuss the whole situation. Her study showed that:

55% of a couple who discussed the situation very little was still married
78% of couples who addressed the situation a good bit remained married
86% of couples who discussed the unfaithfulness a lot remained married.
Thus, the extent to which a couple discussed the affair was significantly associated with the likelihood of saving the marriage.

In addition, Dr. Vaughn’s research revealed that a couple is more likely to remain married when the cheating spouse answered their partner’s questions.

59% of those who refused to answer questions remained married.
81% of couples whose cheating partner responded to some of their questions remained married
86% of couples whose offending partners answered all their partner’s questions remained married. Thus, the extent to which the cheating spouse responded to questions was significantly associated with the degree of success in saving the marriage.

Patience! Patience! Patience!

Patience will be one of your greatest tools in getting through the process of rebuilding your marriage. Just because you feel that you have done all you could to deal with the situation, or think that you have dealt with it long and deeply enough does not mean your husband feels the same way.

Your husband is the one who was betrayed. It is unrealistic for you to decide when the affair should be a closed chapter. Efforts to move on will be futile until your husband feels that he has healed.

Recommit to your husband

Reiterate to your husband that you are all in and you are willing to do whatever it takes to fight for your relationship. Do not be in a hurry to move on. If you want to truly save your marriage, you and your husband should ask yourselves a few essential questions:

How did you get here? In other words, what are the underlying reasons for the affair? Experts encourage that you both spend a lot of time pondering and reflecting on this question.
What does your husband need to heal completely? (e.g., he may require that you seek professional counseling)
What are you doing to ensure that another affair doesn’t happen? You need to learn how to establish boundaries in your other relationships because affairs are essentially boundary violations.
If you move forward in this marriage what are you committing to? This might be the single most important question you can address as a couple as you move forward. An honest discussion of this question will enable you to reboot your relationship.
Experts say that recovery from infidelity is no different than any other serious life challenge. Contained within its experience are both pain and opportunity. Together with your husband, you can leverage this opportunity to rebuild a fantastic marriage.

What Now…?

You can birth a new marriage from the ashes and debris of the impending divorce and create a legacy of renewal.

Think of what an incredible experience to work through what could be defeat and come out on top. You will be stronger. Your marriage will be stronger, and your family would be stronger.

There is nothing like adversity to make a relationship stronger.

So if you have decided you want to keep your marriage together, it’s time to get practical about it

Getting practical about saving your marriage
For instance, how will you deal with these situations…?

How will you help your husband get over the pain of being cheated on?
What will you tell the kids about the change in your relationship they have noticed?
What will your daily routine look like if your husband says he wants some space and decides to move to another room or out of the house?
Although these questions are a little uncomfortable, they are something you need to think of

But you aren’t the first person in this situation… and there are resources that can help you along the way

For more in-depth information and advice on repairing a marriage, I recommend watching this short video

It explains how you can save your marriage, even if you are the only one trying

If it feels like he wants to throw in the towel, then this video might be the most important video that you ever watch.

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